Ten reasons it's good to win an Oscar

It's not really about the recognition from your peers. It's not really about the pride of winning. And it's not even about the money.
Winning an Oscar is so much more than that.

In fact, there are so many good reasons that actors and actresses want to win an Oscar, it would be almost impossible to list them all in a single column.

But we'll give it a try.

1. No more nudity - The members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences expect an actress to bare her soul if she is to be considered for the profession's top prize. If she is willing to bare her body for her art, even better. And many actresses have taken this well-traveled route to success (for example, Halle Berry in "Monster's Ball"), but once the Oscar is safely in hand, the actress need no longer reveal anything but her talent.

2. More nudity - Male actors, on the other hand, are never expected drop their pants in pursuit of the Holy Grail of show business. However, once they have an Oscar or two, they are permitted to show a little skin, even if it's just for laughs (Jack Nicholson in "Something's Gotta Give").

3. To give the speech - If you think you're the only one who ever gave an Oscar acceptance speech in front of a mirror when you were a child, think again. At least you stopped giving the speech when you were, like, 12. Professional actors and actresses never stop giving that speech. They practice it until the day they die, or win an Oscar, whichever comes first.

4. To impress the Teamsters - Young actors tell stories of how intimidated and in awe they were when they first arrived on a movie set to work with an Oscar-winning actor. The recipients of that adulation will insist that they were unaware of the deferential treatment. They couldn't care less what young actors think of them.

The reason is that Oscar winners are more concerned with what the crew thinks of them. Not only is it important to have a good working relationship with the crew, because they are responsible for how you look on screen (camera, lighting, makeup, hair, etc.), but actors think of the crew as "real people," and everybody in Hollywood believes that it is important to connect with real people.

5. To die with dignity - Actors and actresses have a startlingly clear vision of their legacy. They know that an Oscar win is forever, and we don't mean forever in the metaphorical sense. An Oscar win is truly eternal. Whenever an Oscar winner is referred to a newspaper articles or television feature, he or she is given the title "Oscar-winner so-and-so." More importantly, when that actor or actress ascends to that great green room in the sky, the obituary will begin: "Oscar-winning actor/actress so-and-so."

6. To decorate the mantle - Famous people hang out with other famous people. Famous people go to other famous people's homes for dinner parties. Famous people look around other famous people's homes. If you have a shiny Oscar sitting on the mantle in the middle of the living room, it doesn't matter what the rest of the house looks like.

7. To collect unemployment checks - It's one of the many oddities of show business that a surprising number of Oscar winners suffer through a slump of sorts after the big night, particularly if it is their first win. Explanations abound, including the one favored by most actors ("I guess they thought I was booked for years to come"), but there is one possible explanation that no actor wants to think about: What if the Oscar win was a fluke, and everybody in Hollywood knows it?

8. To scoff at their Golden Globe - When all you have is a Golden Globe, you make the best of it. You might not necessarily place it prominently on the mantle for Oscar winners to sneer at, but a mention of it will remain in your bio until something better comes along, like an Oscar. Once you have the Oscar, the Golden Globe win is erased from your bio, and the statuette is packed away.

9. To make up for that 50-yard-dash medal - Let's face it, the type of person who pursues an acting career from an early age probably was not the quarterback, the head cheerleader or the captain of the debate team. These people were loners. They were not joiners. They only joined the drama club because it was filled with other loners and nonjoiners. It was their only chance for recognition, and an Oscar win makes up for all the missed grade-school medals and high-school trophies.

10. To feel loved - See all of the above.